The Luwow 09/11/11

"Aloha B.E.E.R.S!"

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Paige, Jaffa, George, Ivanka, Michael
Price: $12 - $85. Most cocktails in the $16 range. Or buy a big one to share between 2 or 4! Bottled beer $8
Location: 62-70 Johnston St between Brunwick & Nicholson.
Distance: 15 min walk.
Ambiance: Amazing - you'll feel like you're sipping cocktails after dark on a remote Hawaiian island. Not tacky even if it is totally over the top! Like taking a honeymoon, only in the heart of Melbourne.
Character: Bamboo clad walls and ceiling set the tribal theme, a normal Fitzroy building somehow feels like a beach hut.
Decor: Over the top - huge tiki idols, wooden canoes, masses of palm fronds and colourful lanterns show the amazing attention to detail that's gone into this bar.
Comfort: Vinyl booth seats can stick to bare skin - a little uncomfortable. But the booths themselves work great, giving a great level of privacy for each group. Alternatively, pull up a stool at the bar and watch the fruity cocktails getting assembled.
Patrons: Different groups of people doing their own thing - probably not the type of place to drop in on your own. Come for the spectacle, not an end of day drink.
Staff: A little awkward but they mix a great cocktail. Generous with the garnishes! Could be a little more bubbly & enthusiastic.
Selection: Amazing menu of rum-based tropical cocktails, and not much else. No tap beers and not a great bottle selection.
Outdoor: N/A. A separate room opens up on the weekend to accommodate the larger crowd and any private functions.
Specials: None. Every drink comes with a little finger puppet monster though. Very cool
LSR: Perfect beach bar vibes. Plenty of colourful lanterns and fairly lights and some classic diner type tunes twanging away.
Amenities: Follow the theme, clean & tidy.
Field notes: Definitely appreciate the amount of garnishes that go into each drink. Oversize curly straws, finger puppets, slices of fruit, umbrellas, the works. Be warned though, these cocktails pack a punch! It sounds obvious but the combination of sugar and booze will leave you with a nasty headache if you're not careful.
Top suggestion: Difficult to narrow it down since everything has already been thought through in such detail. Maybe a snack menu or some daily specials to spice things up a bit?
Memorable quotes: "This is the fruitiest B.E.E.R.S we've ever had!" - CLG
"Cam. Cam. Cam. Guess who I am? Crash Bandicoot! Bahahaha" - JW

Arbitrary score: 84
Come along for unique island style experience and some deliciously fruity cocktail concoctions. The key word here is fun, and there's plenty to be had. Highly recommended and the perfect spot to check out with a date or group of friends.

St Jude's Cellars 02/11/11

"St B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, George, Ivanka, Dom
Price: Pints $8 - $14.50. Some cheap options but mainly high-end brews.
Location: 389 Brunswick St, the quieter end (north)
Distance: 8 min walk
Ambiance: Music wasn't quite hitting the mark and the playlist seemed a little inconsistent - genre hopping around. A classy well lit space - vibrant even without much happening.
Character: We're all a sucker for a polished concrete slab floor. Large central wine shelves divide the room in different areas and put the emphasis on the cellar experience. Off-white painted brick walls help add light and airiness to the space and nice textural element as well.
Decor: Open styled cellar. Quite basic on the decor with factory style hanging light fittings and a generous helping of pot plants. Does seem to lack anything particularly quirky or memorable.
Comfort: Plenty of different options here with some large high tables with stools, dining area or more intimate tables for two by the bar. No couches but its not the type of place you go to slob out.
Patrons: Top shelf Fitzroy. An older, high-end crowd that knows their way around a decent glass of red.
Staff: Top notch. Very cool and friendly but still casual. Came and brought menus as soon as we sat down - good service.
Selection: Not a great range of tap beers but an extensive bottle menu.
Outdoor: N/A
Specials: $10 meals - "Guinea Pig" menu for the chef to test out ideas.
LSR: Wasn't quite hitting the mark. Too light and the music selection was simply not right for the atmosphere.
Amenities: Clean, appreciated the seperate unrinals (no risk of rubbing shoulders here). Heater in the ladies. Good all round.
Top suggestions: Sort the music out. Even chuck a jazz trio in the corner - plenty of spare space for it.

Arbitrary score: 76
A quality dining experience but not the most unique or memorable one. Come here to enjoy a classier Brunswick St crowd on the weekend. More for the wine aficionados than the beer drinkers.

The Raccoon Club 05/10/11

" Executive B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, Ivanka, George.
Price: $8.80 for all tap beers, $6 for all bottled beers. Great that it is one standard price for good quality beers.
Location: Suburbia! 145 Plenty Rd, in Preston. On the fringe of inner city.
Distance: 27 min tram ride from Wellington
Ambiance: Good background tunes, option to change with a public use turntable.. The bar has a warehouse feel, but they have managed to make what could have been a cold and harsh place into a warm and welcoming bar.
Character: Still maintains its Preston working class vibe, but with an added trendiness. Blends the exposed roofs and concrete floors with nice wooden tables and warm lighting. The bar is refreshingly long, with great bar seating options available.
Decor: Slightly kitsch. Overall is quite good, but some bits seem to be a bit out of place. Although there are some really nice touches like the spray-painted animals on the concrete floor.
Comfort: Even if this place was packed, it would still feel spacious and comfortable. The one long room with the long bar means that you would never feel cramped. Also has a variety of different seating options, with large tables for big groups, down to intimate couches or small tables for couples or for the individual punter there is a number of bar stools to sit and chat to the friendly bar staff.
Patrons: Everyone has their own agenda, as in people come here with their own groups and keeps to them. Not really a place to mingle and meet people, but rather hangout out and enjoy the company of your friends. It is an 'outer-inner city' crowd meaning that people are trendy but not to the extent of your inner city hipster that we normally see in the Collingwood area.
Staff: Very accommodating! Gave us free nuts and nibblies as well as letting us sample some new beers! Very friendly and chatty, seem to know most of the clientele, great place for regulars. The bar is very new so the staff are very enthusiastic and bring a refreshing and friendly bartending vibe that comes with their extensive drinking knowledge.
Selection: Mostly specialty Victorian craft beers with constantly updated beers on tap. Refreshing, but also ballsy considering the area, not to have a crap standard beer like Carlton Draught. Although they do sell Melbourne Bitter longnecks if you feel inclined to get your bogan-ness on!
Outdoor: Ivanka doesn't like the iron railing fence out the front, but it didn't really concern the rest of us. Perhaps it's there to keep some of the Preston riffraff out! It is nice to walk through the beer garden at the front to get into the bar. The beer garden is minimalistic with some token pot plants to jazz it up a bit.
Specials: Free pool, boardgames and cards creates a friendly, relaxed vibe. The fact that you can play your own choice of records, or even bring in your own vinyl is really cool.
L.S.R.: Very good. Nice selection of music and intimate ambient lighting. Although the outside beer garden seems overly bright.
Amenities: Really enjoyed the wall decorations, they have gone to great efforts to completely cover the walls in individual black and white pictures of famous faces. Makes the toilet trip quite an enjoyable experience..
Top Suggestion: Ivanka really wants to get rid of the fence, but for the rest of us...A great addition to the place would be a kitchen that serves good quality meals to go along with the great quality beers.
Memorable Quotes: "A lot less 'ironic' facial hair and a lot more real facial hair." B.H. when comparing the patronage to Collingwood bars.

Arbitrary Score: 78
It's a bit of a trek from Wellington Manor, but it is great bar with fantastic beers, welcoming staff and good times to be had! Well worth a visit.

Grumpy's Green 07/09/11

"Brother B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Cameron and Michael
Price: Little bit above your average pub beers, but pretty good pricing considering the quality of beers on offer. Range from $8.60-$11.80
Location: 125 Smith St., towards Gertrude St.
Distance: 8 min walk
Ambiance: Very friendly feel, small space used really well, feels a lot larger than it is as the space is broken up by the mezzanine level, yet still very intimate. Has a Port Fairy Folk Festival vibe.
Character: Feature piece on the wall is awesome, but a bit freaky. Hard to put your finger on the look they are going for here, but it is almost like a mini beer hall meets your loungeroom. High ceilings, exposed beams and long wooden tables are coupled with mismatched sofas, a comfy mezzanine level and assorted reading lamps and coffee tables.
Patrons: Usual inner-city, varied, down-to-Earth types.
Staff: Very friendly and helpful. Casual and easy-going.
Selection: Only source Victorian microbrewery beers for both their tap and bottled selection. Decent range of about 8 tap beers as well as multitude of Victorian bottled beers. The beer menu has the added bonus of having a separate distance column telling you how far away from Melbourne it has been sourced. Highlights the Victorian aspect.
Beer Garden: Very minimal, but surrounded by high walls and a number of pot plants and creepers. Almost has a rain forest or greenhouse feel to it. Blue stone walls and exposed roof beams makes you feel a lot more remote and secluded than even though you're on Smith St! Also has varied, comfortable on-street drinking areas to watch the world go by from.
Specials: Live music, trivia, decent vegetarian/gluten free menu options as well as some meat-eater delights such as rabbit stew.
L.S.R.: Lights were too bright for the live music that was playing.
Amenities: Purple toilet walls covered in extensive, but somewhat semi-tasteful graffiti- it is very Collingwood hipster, but the toilets are also very clean. The graffiti art murals leading up to the bathrooms are intricate and fantastic.
Top Suggestion: Perhaps provide a standard sessional beer on tap- like a Carlton Draught to allow extended sessions.

Arbitrary Score: 82
Solid all-rounder that ticks all the boxes. Can't really fault it in any area, yet something still feels like it is lacking. Hard to say what it is though.

The Local Taphouse 31/08/11

"Happy 30th Review B.E.E.R.S!"

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, George, Dommo, Richo, Patty
Price: For a great and varied selection of boutique tap beers you'd expect to pay more than you do. It is very affordable. Pints range from $9.50-$17, or you can get a tasting paddle of 5 beers for $15.
Location: 184 Carlisle St. in St. Kilda, near the corner of Chapel St.
Distance: Deep in the dirty south side of the Yarra territory. 45 min on public transport.
Ambiance: Soft lighting for such a large venue- retains feeling of intimacy and still has a local pub vibe.
Character: Great old vintage pub building, almost like an old Victorian 'Gentleman's Club'.
Decor: Minimal outside: an old BBQ, an open fireplace and a few creeper plants is all that is need to accentuate the rustic character of the building. Inside has a lot of vintage wooden furniture pieces (sideboards, tables, chairs) and brass furnishings that highlight the historic nature of the venue.
Comfort: Nice big couches downstairs along with a number of other different seating options. Outside beer garden needs 2 extra heaters to be completely comfortable and perhaps a few different seating options rather than trying to fit in as many dining tables as possible.
Patrons: Successfully blends upper class, middle-aged St. Kilda yuppies with a younger more casual drinking crowd. Large Wednesday night crowd, could imagine it would get very busy on the weekends and in the warmer weather.
Staff: Very knowledgeable and helpful. They know their stuff about beer and aren't afraid to educate the masses on the intricacies and wonders of beer. Can get a tasting paddle on their recommendation, or on your own choice and they will order the selection in the sequence that compliments your palate the most. Great beer connoisseurs.
Selection: 20 different beers on tap, with a constant monthly rotation focussing on seasonal and unique beers sourced locally and internationally. Mecca for beer drinkers, with the option to either taste a couple of new and exciting beers or have a session with an old favourite.
Outdoor: Large outdoor dining area on the second level. No designated smoking area which means you can inhale smoke whilst trying to enjoy your meal, a let down on an otherwise nice outdoor area.
Specials: Hold regular beer events such as information, testing and specialty beer sessions. Is in affiliation with an onsite specialty bottle shop to source all the fantastic beers you sample in the venue allowing you to take the experience home with you. Great food menu, that is reasonably priced, also have a special tapas menu to compliment your beer selections.
L.S.R.: No ambient music to speak of. Have live music downstairs, but disappointing that there is no background tunes throughout the rest of the place. Lighting level is optimal but is let down by lack of music.
Top Suggestion: Amp up the comfort levels- i.e. ambient music, more outdoor heaters, varied seating options upstairs.
Amenities: Classy, clean but upstairs is quite small. Nice wooden finishes in the bathrooms.
Field Notes: George wants a greater selection of ciders on tap- only one tap cider that doesn't match the awesomeness of the beer selections. Food was very nice with a particular special mention for the frittes.
The $15 tasting paddle of beers that you would be hard press to find anywhere else is a definite highlight.
Memorable Quotes: "How often...and stop me if I'm getting too personal...How often do you have to update your rip?" P.O'C.
"You'd have to wash all your sheets after a night out." CLG
"Do you take cold meats?" G.K.
"Don't allow people with laptops to come here. Seriously, it's killing me." P.O'C.

Arbitrary Score: 90
The amazingly varied tap selection of unique beers coupled with the local pub vibe makes for a great venue to bask in beery contentment.

Collingwood World 24/08/11

"Page 44 B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, George, Ned, Mike
Price: $6 Carlton schooner, $8 premium bottles, cocktails $12-$17
Location: 97 Smith St Collingwood, near Gertrude
Distance: 14 min walk
Ambiance: Warm and welcoming. Sensual soul music and candles on the tables set the mood and make it a great room even on a quiet night.
Character: Plenty of personality with a large feature wall of the 1966 Melways map of Collingwood. Great use of raw materials with a quirky flip on the usual - the ceiling is lined with old timber floorboards. Brick walls and a concrete slab floor finish it off.
Decor: Tasteful lampshades create a soft tone for what could have been a more cavernous space. Lazily spinning fans somehow add a smoky dive bar feel while plenty of tea lights create some intimacy. A shrub on the bar is never a bad addition.
Comfort: Plush couches, long tables, side tables and stools at the bar all mean you've got plenty of options. Radiators and a fireplace mean the temperature is spot-on. Actually maybe a little too warm as you might find yourself dozing off on the couch after a beer or two.
Patrons: N/A, very quiet mid-week.
Staff: Friendly and cheerful with a good sense of humour, wasn't at all put out by an accidental broken glass. Able to recommend a beer with conviction and mix a custom cocktail if you're intrepid enough to ask.
Selection: A rather small but decent selection of bottled beer but only Carlton on tap. A tasty looking cocktail menu. No food options.
Outdoor: N/A
Specials: Complementary nuts were a nice touch
LSR: Optimum for the size of the room. Enough lighting to fill the space and open it up while the great music selection had enough volume to appreciate without being overpowering.
Amenities: Neat & clean with the creative anti-graffiti measure of being covered with chalkboard paint. A bucket of chalk by the sink means anyone can express themselves (or their footy team's finals prospects).
Field notes: It's hard to judge without any other patrons but we all feel it would be a great spot to check out on the weekend. Nice to get a view out the window to Smith St down below.
Top suggestion: A few more tap beer options would be a great addition to just Carlton Draught
Memorable quotes: "Have you ever used a poof to root on?" - MLG, after discussing the furniture
"Great for hosing down the blood at the end of the night, Collingwood style" - Ned, on the concrete slab floor.

Arbitrary Score: 80
A very promising spot still in its early stages (open about a year). Come with some friends and relax in comfort with some classy cocktails and local pride. Had it been busier would have gotten a higher score - certainly worth a revisit on a Friday or Saturday night!

Wesley Anne 17/08/11

"Church B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, George, Jaffa, Paige, Dom, Emma
Price: $9 Boags, $9.60 Coopers. Pretty standard.
Location: 250 High St Northcote - in the thick of it.
Distance: 15 min tram ride.
Ambience: Candles and rough stone walls have a lot of charm. Feels like a medieval tavern. The hushed tones of the chapel meets the rustic charm of the tin roof wooden ceiling beams.
Character: Has a very strong historic character (in fact the building was originally constructed in 1869 as a Methodist church). Iron chandeliers lit by candles softly light the bar while the raw stone walls, minimal decorations and huge vaulted ceiling help to open up the space.
Decor: The character of the building speaks for itself without the need for too much decoration.
Comfort: The bar is quite big and takes up a large part of the room meaning most of the tables are squashed in around it. However we had no problem sitting the lot of us in one of the 'confessional' style booths and the low walls provide a lot of privacy.
Patrons: An older more 'Northcote' crowd . A bit more subdued and wordly, enjoying a quite beer or glass of red. City cool people.
Staff: A bit of a debated area - some thought they were helpful while others found them a little indifferent.
Selection: Limited. Some decent but 'safe' craft options. Semi-boutique. Very impressed with the Estrella!
Outdoor: A very large outdoor area complete with a roaring fireplace. Lots of tables to sit at and some greenery and quirky decorations to finish it off. A definite must-visit for the summer months. On-street seating out the front as well.
Specials: $10 Boags jugs before 6pm. Band room is host to popular local gigs most nights of the week. Very fast food service as well (maybe suspiciously fast?)
LSR: Soft music in the background keeps the focus on the chat and the ambience created by the room rather than smothering it with volume. A tasteful tweak of the dimmer switch at 9.30 kept the lighting spot on as the night went on! Candles also add a classy touch.
Amenities: Basic, nothing too special. Plenty of graffiti but clean enough.
Top suggestion: Rejig the bar and table layout to open up the room a bit more and celebrate the awesome historic space that it is.
Field notes: Doesn't seem like a huge amount of effort has gone into the actual bar and making the place a unique experience but the building makes up for it with oodles of charm. Could be better but it has a lot going for it and the punters keep coming back for more. Definite local hangout.

Arbitrary Score: 75
A big old religious institution sees a new life as one of High St's drinking institutions. While it lacks some of the sophistication of other venues, the charm of the building and generous beer garden make this one a High St favourite.

Grace Darling 10/08/11

"Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, Ivanka, George, Richo, Louise, Phoebe.

Price: $8 standard pints but gourmet craft beers aren't too pricey. Quite acceptable.

Location: 114 Smith St.

Distance: 10 min walk.

Ambiance: Great mid-week vibe going on with lots of different and varied groups. Warm lighting- tea lights, candles and open-fire place create welcoming and intimate atmosphere.

Character: Classic old pub style. Great bluestone exterior. Separate outdoor dining area is really cool, can eat under the stars, while still feeling like you are inside.
The place has great great materiality- floorboards, timber, natural flame as lighting, etc. adds a feeling of honesty.

Decor: Bit too cluttered. Too many different themes going on. They have a funky nautical theme that works, but it is overpowered by lots of other themes.

Comfort: Very high, specially for winter with the fireplace.. There are so many different options- you can dine under the stars, lounge on intimate couches with a date, or sit a high tables with friends.

Patrons: Trendy indie Collingwood, but still welcoming of other types.

Staff: Very 'cool', but without the attitude. They are 'trend-ly'!

Selection: Fantastic. Great selection of craft beers on tap as well as a wide range of unique bottled beers. It is refreshing to see a pub that has a standard, cheap tap beer that isn't Carlton or Boags Draught (it's Coopers Lager).
Also has a great selection of spirits and cocktails.

Outdoor: Covered outdoor dining area as mentioned before, but also has a happening on-street drinking area.

Specials: Has Big Buck Hunter!! As well as a pool table. Great mix of traditional pub and trendy hotspot. Has a great food menu. Special deals are $12 home-made pies and 1/2 price selected jugs on Tuesdays. There is a band room upstairs and a rave-cave downstairs.

L.S.R. (New category!! Light to Sound Ratio): Great use of gradient lighting. It is quite light at the bar, but still has dark corners and nooks. Music is loud enough to enjoy, but still soft enough to enjoy conversation between friends.

Amenities: Very basic. Doesn't match the rest of the place.

Top Suggestion: Unify the decor. Declutter a bit- stick to one theme (the nautical one!)

Field Notes: As soon as you walk in it has a great welcoming vibe. Knew this place would score well as soon as stepped inside.

Memorable Quotes: "I feel like I'm on Magic Mushrooms!" MLG (talking about the decor)
"It's a rum-elution" I.B.
"This is like a 'trim-the-beard-Collingwood' kinda place" B.H.

"Dark corners so people can dry-hump" Phoebe

Arbitrary Score: 87

Whether you are out for dining, drinking, dating or getting rowdy, the Grace has you covered on all bases.

Town Hall Hotel 03/08/11

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Ivanka, Mike, Louise
Price: Expensive for the craft beers yet they still have a $7.50 Carlton pint.
Location: 166 Johnston St, corner with Napier.
Distance: 9min walk
Ambience: Semi-formal dining & drinking. We're feeling a little out of place in tshirts and being under 25.
Character: New Fitzroy / South Yarra. A bit of southside creeping through to the north. A little too glitzy for our liking.
Decor: Some nice timber tables and stools in the front bar area. Tasteful painted walls with some different red feature walls in the back dining rooms. Lighting is simple but nice enough. The bar setup could be a little more visually interesting.
Comfort: Good comfort. Plenty of different options for couples, groups and even large private functions in a downstairs cellar area with a massive 15 seat table. Stools in the front bar or seats everywhere else. Standing seems a little awkward in the semi-formal setting.
Patrons: Middle-aged Fitzroy yuppies. Its a dining gastro-pub but not much of a drinking atmosphere.
Staff: Checked Ivanka's ID. Massive rookie error. A little snooty and unwelcoming.
Selection: Some nice boutique options that fit with the high end pub experience.
Outdoor: N/A
Specials: Food menu looks impressive and well priced!
Amenities: 'Upmarket community hall'. Felt insincere. Potential hip-rub at the urinal - never great. Flowers in the ladies.
Top suggestion: Create a more informal drinking area eg change the front bar or find space for a beer garden or some on-street seating.
Field notes: Music is fairly lame - 'chillout sessions' cheesy deep house vibes. Some great table options for private functions.

Arbitrary Score: 63
Come here for some great dining but don't expect to come in and enjoy a casual drink in your tshirt and jeans. A slightly older dining crowd and somewhat wooden bar service left us a little cold but this venue could have more charm when filled up on a weekend. High ceilings and spacious seating would be great for a leisurely lunch on a sunny day.

Bar Nancy 27/07/11

"Branching out B.E.E.R.S"

Attendess: Cam, Ben, Sarah, Michael, Tom B, Tom H
Price: Average priced which is nice for a cocktail bar.
Location: 61 High St Northcote near Westgarth St.
Distance: 10min tram ride
Obscurity: Nothing is really that obscure with chairs out the front
Ambience: To begin with it was empty except for us but we still felt welcome and comfortable. Good tunes and lighting.
Character: A bit hit and miss, not a particularly interesting building.
Decor: The bar set up is extravagant & beautiful. Some great pieces like wall mirrors and some original artworks. Fireplaces in the back room are brilliant.
Comfort: Some great different options. Sit at the bar or grab a table in the front, a booth around the fire in the back room or a spot outside in the back courtyard. Fine to come here by yourself, with a big group or anything in between.
Patrons: Not really busy enough to make any assumptions.
Staff: Great - friendly, helpful and good for a chat.
Selection: No taps but a nice selection of bottled beers & an extensive wine and cocktail list.
Outdoor: Back area with some tables, a little foliage and nice vibe. Shade cloth for the sunny days. Also some on street seating to soak up a bit of High St atmosphere.
Specials: Selling point is the wine and cocktails but no specials as such.
Amenities: Not great, a bit like a half renovated house toilet and an oddly large room. Hole in the wall and patchy paintwork doesn't help.
Top suggestion: Get a tap beer.
Field notes: Tables are trippy - like two halves that slot together but is actually just one solid top. Open fireplaces are a big plus for the winter months. Some very tasty food options - highly recommended.
Memorable quotes: "Quiet wine bar for yuppies" Tom A (about a minute after arriving)
"Explosive dumplings!" Sarah

Arbitrary Score: 76
Could easily crack the 80s with a few minor adjustments. Definitely will come back another time!
A great local spot with a relaxed atmosphere and great selection of drinks and snacks.

Black Cat 20/07/11

"The Boys B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Richo, Michael, Eddy, Tom
Price: $8 pint of Montieth's. Good price.
Location: 252 Brunswick St south of Johnston.
Distance: 11 min walk
Obscurity: Not obscure but dark and subdued enough to avoid any non-locals
Ambience: A DJ every night helps create a funky and relaxed atmosphere. Although could  be quieter to improve the LSR (light to sound ratio). Definite couple-y vibe with all the couches.
Character: Very high. Nice textural elements from the bare brick walls and wood pieces behind the bar while a huge wall length mirror opens up the space.
Decor: It's 'happening'. A tiny bit more effort on lighting would go a long way. Indoor potted trees are a cool feature. Diggin the quirky feature wall behind the bar.
Comfort: Very comfortable for small groups however anything over 4 becomes a bit awkward with the layout of the seating. Although snag one of the larger outdoor tables and you're set! The layout of the couches in the space could be finessed a little more but is overall very comfy.
Patrons: Old school Fitzroy. Reminiscent of the Brunswick St of old. Casual, cool and relaxed.
Staff: Engaging, almost sarcastic. Friendly but maybe a bit far? Michael was a little thrown out.
Selection: Only two types of Monteith's on tap. A nice enough staple beer and quite cheap. More variety of bottled beers which are also decently priced.
Outdoor: Has a very different vibe to inside. Another great relaxed space and great for larger groups. Heaters and a planted screen give you some protection from the elements and traffic noise.
Specials: DJs on every night of the week. Open decks for the up & coming deejay.
Amenities: Scummy unisex toilets.
Top suggestion: Rethink / update inside furniture layout to include more variety of spaces and seating options.
Field notes: Discussion of new term "LSR" which has been informally brought up for some time now. Music is great and really helps the atmosphere.
Memorable quotes: "The back wall is trying to play jenga with itself" RW
"Definitely too many trendy moustaches. Check behind the bar!" MLG
"The Perseverance is just like the moth to the fucking flame." BH

Arbitrary score: 78
Great place for a catch up with a friend or two or a relaxed first date. Sink yourself into a comfy couch and enjoy a drink to some funky tunes.

The Kodiak Club 13/07/11

"Whiskey B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, Jamie

Price: Very expensive. $9 pint in plastic cup.

Location: City side of Johnston St at 272 Brunswick St.

Distance: 12 min walk

Obscurity: If you pull your head out of your arse (which is were it likely is if you're on Brunswick St on a weekend) you'll easily notice it.

Ambiance: Good acoustics, great music choice warm lighting.

Character: Has a ski lodge vibe, nice complementing shades of timber. It is quite unique, definitely feels like a whiskey bar. Different to normal bars and pubs.

Decor: Not overdone, but very interesting pieces that highlight uniqueness. Bar is a shrine to bourbon, great variety of different bottles that are accessed by one of those old-school library ladders on wheels.

Comfort: Different levels to break up the room. Awesome intimate table for small groups, comfortable stools, but the bench cushions are slippery and frustrating to sit on.

Patrons: Quite young. Can definitely still see the weekend Brunswick St crowd coming in.

Staff: Very professional and friendly. It was busy enough, but they are not stressed, know their stuff.

Selection: Only one beer on tap. Have an interesting collection of relatively unheard of bottled beers, both imported and Australian. But this bar is all about the Bourbon. Fantastic selection if that's your thing.

Outdoor: N/A

Amenities: Really nice journey to the toilets. Upstairs area feels like a house, very welcoming. The actual toilets are adequate enough.

Specials: Heard great things about the food menu. Looks like a great function room upstairs.

Top Suggestion: For such a classy place there has to be glass for the tap beer.

Field Notes: Heated debate about what each category means. May need to clarify some of the categories as there is a large portion of cross-over and confusion about what goes where.
Special mention goes to the massive plumber's crack on the table next to us that cracked us up.

Memorable Quotes: "Bartender is a dead-ringer for Simon Pegg!" B.H.

"I got 5 cheeseburgers on the way home from your party last week." MLG

Arbitrary Score: 77
Has a great vibe but is heavily let down by the plastic beer cups, expensive price and lack of selection of tap beers.

Mrs. Parma's 29/06/11

"Parma B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Dom, Jess, George, Chops and interstate guest Alanna.

Price: Expensive. From $8.40 for Carlton Draught pint up to $7.50 for a pot of a boutique Victorian IPA.

Distance: 15 min tram ride.

Location: Top, north-east end of the city at 25 Little Bourke St. Near Parliament Station.

Obscurity: Somewhat semi-obscure. Kind of, but not really.

Ambiance: Very tie-loosener. Corporate, post work crowd. Tense vibe. Staf

f were on edge and that carried on through the crowd.

Character: Very R.S.L. Belongs in N.S.W. Looks like it's a sports bar that belongs in Crown Casino or a Hard Rock Cafe.

Decor: Too many different, clashing shades of timber. Corporate office modular ceiling tiles and glaring downlights make you feel like you are still at work. Michael hates the sunken stained glass skylight.

Comfort: Oscillating temperatures, makes it hard to ma

intain a comfortable body temp. Constantly taking jackets on and off.

Selection: Great selection. The saving grace of the establishment. Great focus on Victorian craft beers. Have rotating monthly specials on tap.

Patrons: Corporate crowd here for a mad after dinner rush, then all left around 9pm, until we were the only ones left in the place. Made it quite awkward and we felt like the staff were pressuring us to leave.

Staff: Mostly edgy and snappy, but some were helpful and nice.

Outdoor: Has large windows that are opened in the summer to create a street dining experience. N/A in winter.

Amenities: Toilet has character. Motivational quotes written on the wall to get you through your toilet difficulties.

Specials: Specialises in gourmet parmas and Victorian boutique craft beers. Has secret happy hours for members.

Field Notes: Not the best parmas in town, and quite pricey. Paying for the toppings rather than the quality of the chicken schnitzel. Very stingy on the sides, only get one communal bowl of chips and another of salad for the table which were the quantity normally served for one or two people. Definitely not getting your money's worth.
The quality of the beer selection justifies having drinking area rather than purely focusing on dining.

Memorable Quotes: "I'm going to queef my hair." CLG

"He's going to be a barista barrister...don't worry I'm leaving soon." B.H.

"She must be smoking a crack pipe in the toilet." B.H.

Arbitrary Score: 60
Great concept, but failed to deliver the quality experience. Would definitely work if in a better thought out venue with a wider variety of clientele.

Little Creatures 22/06/11

"Lonely B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Ben and Ivanka

Price: Meals $16-30 (pricey but not overpriced), $9.50 pints

Location: 222 Brunswick St Fitzroy

Distance: 13 min walk

Obscurity: None, a shining beacon of beery goodness. A local institution.

Ambiance: A big beer hall with lots of quieter, intimate spaces rather than one large area. Non-intimidating and quite relaxed.

Character: Homely/Industrial. Great job retaining original character of the space.

Decor: Loungeroom meets warehouse with a touch of wanky rustic. Lots of charm with lots of timber, bookshelves, fireplace and beer-bottle chandeliers (chandebeers).

Comfort: Lots of seating options for anything from one person to large groups. Plan ahead on the weekend unless you like waiting for a table though!

Selection: Very limited but great quality - don't bother if you're not a beer drinker

Patrons: Slightly older and subdued but always a refreshingly diverse crowd that fills the place up.

Staff: Attentive but not annoying. Despite being really busy, service was great. Some definite talent as well.

Beer garden: n/a

Amenities: Clean and spacious, everything you need.

Specials: n/a

Field notes: Bikes available for use. Some tasty jazzy disco beats playing at a great sound/light ratio. Little Creatures angel's foot looks like a penis when laser etched on wood. No really.

Memorable quotes: "I think the idea is to crack them open and spread 'em" - BH "It's my life philosophy!" - IB

"Sticky fingers?" - BH (after eating donuts) "We've all been there!" - IB

"These donuts just absorbed all my bodily fluids" - BH

Arbitrary Score: 81

More dining hall than beer hall with a strong food focus. Great design and service make for an easygoing and enjoyable experience. Book in advance on the weekend - it's in high demand despite it's easygoing appearance.

The Rose 15/06/11

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Richo, Mike, Rose.

Price: $8.40 James Squire Amber Ale pint, &7.80 Carlton pint. Good price, quite cheap.

Distance: 5 min walk

Location: 406 Napier St, corner with Rose St. Backstreets of Fitzroy, between Brunswick and Smith streets.

Obscurity: Not on any main street so quite unknown unless you're a local.

Ambiance: Ultimate local pub. Easy going. Definitely has a bit of a "yeah mate" blokey vibe. Approach-ably manly!

Character: Verging on a classy vintage pub feel without actually getting there. Traditional "Old Fitzroy" pub, none of this new commercialised Fitzroyalty. True grit.

Decor: Has an amazing rotating vintage beer sign clock. There is a blend between classic beer paraphernalia and old school sport memorabilia.

Comfort: Nice and warm, but the air isn't stale. Perfect winter pub temperature. Pretty comfy seating, and is quite nice to sit at the bar.l

Selection: Basic. Have quite a few options for beers on tap, but no obscure surprises.

Patrons: Manly, but not macho. Doesn't have a pokie/TAB crowd but very sport focused yet still welcoming.

Staff: Switched on, know their shit, yet very friendly. Local feel, as in the bar staff joke around and give you shit (or rather give Cam shit).

Outdoor Area: Limited street seating but nothing special.

Amenities: Urinals are too close together for comfort.

Specials: Wide range of food and multiple T.Vs to satisfy your sporting pub needs.

Field Notes: Rose enjoys her namesake, Richo enjoys his immortalisation on the wall. Bricks and carpet have a nanna-ish aura.
Everyone enjoyed the fact that the bar staff gave Cam some fashion tips.

Memorable Quotes: "Your headband is really shit" MLG, "Yeah, it really is" Barchick
"You don't want to be rubbing hips while taking a piss" MLG

Arbitrary Score: 68
Not trying to be anything special. A solid, warm pub that you could spend the day watching the footy in.

99 Problems 08/06/11

"Cold B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael

Price: The highs & the lows - $9 Tiger pint, $3 Tecate can

Location: 31 Johnston St between Smith and Wellington

Distance: 5 min walk

Obscurity: Very obscure. Quite dark and easy to walk past even with a large front window. Lucky we had a good tip off to find it!

Ambience: very keeeewl. A close, intimate atmosphere. Great light-to-sound ratio. Having a table filled with beer cans also has a certain "je ne sais quoi" to it. Adds to the hip underground vibe.

Character: Full of characters! The small room has a unique and personable character and creates social interactions. However the good use of space means it doesn't feel too cramped.

Decor: The nordic glacial mountain feature wall is a winner, straight out of a 70s National Geographic. Bare light globes have some extremely funky filaments. Besides, lamp shades are so 2010..

Comfort: A little close but this is all part of the charm. After a few beers you'll appreciate the forced intimacy between different groups.

Selection: Tiger on tap doesn't really fit the feel. Only 2 options on tap but a decent selection of bottles. Go the Tecate if you don't want to stick out. Also a good selection of wine and spirits.

Patrons: Very kewl but in a more subdued, Collingwood way. Some serious talent as well, in amongst some impressively ironic facial growth.
Staff: Enthusiastic and friendly, they look like they want to be there. Love her tattoos.

Outdoor: A covered laneway area with a forklift pallet doing duties as landscape decoration. A little too cold out tonight but a good simple area to hang out.

Amenities: Unisex toilets are a point of divided opinion amongst the B.E.E.R.S executives. Artwork in the toilets runs with the mountain scene. Good conversation starter for those waiting in line moments.

Specials: $3 Tecate cans!

Field notes: Guy on toilet door looks like Gollum according to Michael. Hipster tolerant people can expect a great time. Some chilled hip hop playing is a nice touch.

Memorable quotes: "An elephant's head? Just get some fucking tea lights!" BH (talking about the Carlton Club)

"I don't know if I was in there or not" BH

Arbitrary score: 80

After breaking through the indie-wanker crust you can have a great time. Very good local spot with a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere.

Terminus Hotel 01/06/11

"Gastro B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Dom, Paige, Jaffa, Jazza, Ned, Myles, Laura.
Notable Absences: Ivanka and George (again)

Price: Meals $20-40, roughly $10 pints - above average but not overpriced
Location: 392 Queen's Parade, no man's land between Fitzroy and Northcote
Distance: 15-20 walk
Obscurity: Looks like a dive bar from outside, but quite classy inside and very packed. Very unassuming.
Ambiance: Light to sound ratio good. Lot of energy because it is so crowded. There is a level of privacy because it is so busy and noisy, everyone focusing on their own tables.

Character: Basic. Same, same. Quite a forgettable room.

Decor: Kangaroo painting is quite quirky. Fake candle chandelier lights add classiness. High bench tables with stools instead of intimate round dining tables. This leads to a mess hall feeling which adds to the high energy. Stain glass windows are really nice and regal. The decor makes the most of minimal attributes.

Comfort: Very noisy. Good temperature, cosy winter pub feel. Two levels of dining tables makes it a bit awkward, especially if you were sitting at the low table and having everyone around you sitting above.

Selection: Focus on Victorian boutique microbreweries on tap and a great selection of bottled craft beers. Gave taste-testers and explanations of the beers.

Patrons: Relaxed middle aged crowd. Lots of large groups. Local people. Zero mingling between groups. Wide ranging and all encompassing, no one would stand out here.

Staff: Friendly, insightful. Warned me before buying a $13 pint that I would not have liked- very helpful! Taste-testers are a big plus.

Beer Garden/Outdoor: On-street seating is quite large, would be nice in summer. Little smokers room out back.

Amenities: Poorly designed, there was a lot of backsplash from the sink. Not great. Reminiscent of its former dive tendencies.

Specials: Known for being a gastro pub. Has great food and a great selection of steaks. Also if you're in the tipping comp and tip 8 you get a free meal of anything you want.

Field Notes: Menu is a bit over-priced, bit more than expected. But food and beer selection very good.
Michael was very edgy and aggressive tonight!

Memorable Quotes: "I swear all stouts smell like soy sauce." B.H.
"If Fitzroy is the left cheek and Northcote the right, this must be the butt hole." B.H.

"I'm toey-er than a Roman sandal." MLG

"You Melbourne Uni kids that don't pull up your pants." MLG

"Michael jsut needs to go out and bottle someone." B.H.

"This used to be the place Jazza and I would buy 6 packs of Woodies when we were 15." MLG

"It's mayo with jizz in it." MLG

Arbitrary Score: 74

Great winter to pub to get a decent feed, but a few areas lowered its overall score.

1000 £ Bend - 25/5/11

"Voyager B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Presidential Conference- Ben and Cam.

Price: $8 Grolsch and $6 Caledonian Lager schooners. Quite pricey.
Location: 361 Little Lonsdale St. near Elizabeth St.
Distance: precisely a 12 min ride.
Obscurity: Well known in certain circles. Not obvious, but easy to find if you know where to look.
Ambiance: Relaxed, carefree vibe. Open but intimate and interactive. Easy going. Good for group interactions and to meet others.
Character: high ceiling is good. Basic room done up really well. Run down, industrial, warehouse feel but very "derelicté"
Decor: Funky, true gritty op-shop collection of furniture. Mismatched but really works. Has a student house vibe to it. Random rugs laid over bare concrete floor. Precariously placed fish tanks discourage tomfoolery and create an interesting, unique homely feel.
Comfort: Such a variety of mismatched chairs that I'm sure you'll find one you like.

Selection: Only two beers on tap. Limited but good options. Small selection of good bottled beers.

Patrons: Friendly, cool. Dropping in for a casual drink. No 'scene', everyone is welcome.

Staff: Bored as shit, extremely friendly and nice. Very outgoing, welcoming and chatty. Table service. Even when the place is empty, staff attitude makes it a fun experience. Attentive.

Beer Garden: Small smokers room, no outdoor seating.

Amenities: Cleanest toilet in the most graffitied room you'll ever see. Lends to the "derelicté" vibe.

Specials: Every day specials ranging from pilates and indie-director film screenings to $2.50 pots and $8 burgers on a Tuesday.

Field Notes: Good selection of pop and rock music. The staff gave us free toasted rolls- awesome! Free wi-fi.

Memorable Quotes: "Arts students would marvel at the juxtaposition" B.H.
"It's like its ambidextrous" CLG.
"Cleanest dirtiest toilets ever!" CLG.

Arbitrary Score: 80
Straightforward but dynamic place that is great for anytime of the day, whether for breakfast, lunch, dinner or late-night drinks.

Mountain Goat Beer 18/5/11

"Good Beer Week B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Ben, Michael, Shaun, Ned, Nick, Rose, Chris
Price: Abbotsford Collaboration Ale (special Beer Week brew) $9.50 - decent price for a great beer.
Location: 80 North St Richmond, just off Bridge Rd
Distance: Hard to get to BUT.. a free drink if you ride your bike there! 10-15min ride
Obscurity: Incredibly obscure - one very nondescript steel door opens up to reveal a huge warehouse brewery. Very rewarding to find! Great wow factor as you walk in.
Ambience: A great turn up for this weeks special event, a really enthusiastic crowd and a rowdy beer hall atmosphere. Probably usually a bit more quiet.
Character: Raw brick walls and a polished concrete floor make for a very simple and genuine warehouse sense, not to mention the sheer size of the space. The enormous steel brewing kettles are visually fantastic and remind you you're on sacred beer-conceiving grounds.
Decor: Solid, simple and beautiful. Generous timber dining tables, large hanging lights and big candles add to an understated but classy finish. Does the basics but does them well!
Comfort: Great seating options, the spaciousness really complements the large tables, bar stools and couches and there's no shortage of options. Generous with the heaters!
Patron hotness: Older crowd, very blokey beer aficionados. Sharply dressed though, no need to slack off.
Patron attitude: Very friendly and chatty. There's a happy feeling in the room.
Service: Quite slow due to the large crowd this week. However when asked the staff are more than happy to let you have a taster and give you a run-down of the selection on offer. Quick at collecting all the empties.
Staff hotness: Some definite talent in the mix. MLG is sure he's being noticed. Tidy uniforms add to the professionalism.
Amenities: The men's hand dryer is freezing cold! But good cleanliness.
Specials: $14 pizza, $7 mussels. Brewery tours on regular Wednesday nights. A 'Good Beer Week' participant.
Outdoor Area: N/A
Field Notes: Super bike friendly! Have to ride next time for that free beer.. Apparently staff bonuses are based on how often they ride to work.
Foosball tables if you're into it.
Seeing the beer actually being brewed adds to the uniqueness of the experience. The bar closes at 10pm but this could possibly be a good thing on a Wednesday...
Memorable quotes: "Its the beer wanker's guide to the galaxy" MLG
"The last thing you want to do is jump the gun" BH
"I'm going to punish the porcelain" Ned

Arbitrary score: 86
A great venue for any beer lover, come see where it all happens. Large but warm and comforting, grab a stool and enjoy a night basking in the glory of the kettles with the rest of the well informed crowd.

Josie Bones 11/05/11

Attendees: Cam, Michael, Shaun, Jaffa, Paige, Richo, Jos, (Tess - left early), Ben, Ivanka, George
Price: Come here for the opulence. Average price around $10-15 for a bottle. Or try the $250 330ml experience.
Location: 98 Smith St near Gertrude St
Distance: 10min walk
Obscurity: Well known, but nothing else like it.
Ambiance: Sophisticated but welcoming, not pretentious. Lighting is really warm, bright but creates a nice balance of shadows and privacy. Very intimate. Some eclectic tunes in the background contribute to the quirkiness and add a personal touch.
Character: Urban rustic. Great use of simple, raw materials in an elegant finish. Bare brick wall, hardwood timber benches. The feature wall... features.
Decor: Functional & minimal but still very tasteful and elegant.
Comfort: Very welcoming. No options for standing but take a stool at the bar or a seat at one of the tables or large table down the back and don't get up again!
Beer garden: N/A
Amenities: Not quite accessible and not the cleanest. Below average.
Patron attitude: Respectful beer connoisseurs. A mutual atmosphere of excitement and enjoyment. A shared pilgrimage to the Holy Beer.
Patron hotness: Doesn't even factor in. But the beer bottles are gorgeous.
Service: Friendly and empowering. Passionate about their job and very attentive and happy to share their knowledge. All hands on deck.
Staff hotness: Very tidy and professional, but it's still all about those beer bottles.
Selection: The holy grail. The menu is a beer bible (about 20 pages thick) and the beer sommeliers will help you to fulfill your heart's desire.
Specials: Events, specials beers and in depth explanations and food matching.
Memorable quotes: "It's moist and clammy...my duck" CLG
"Egos make my labia shrivel up" JW.

Arbitrary score: 93
"May the pork be with you". It's an experience in itself but still very welcoming and not at all pretentious or high-brow. Our favourite ever spot for a night of beer purity and gourmet delight mixed with excellent service and an attractive fit out. Be prepared to spend a little more than the local pub but get a whole lot more in return. Highly recommended.

B.E.E.R.S. Map of Melbourne

View B.E.E.R.S Reviews in a larger map

The Arbitrary Ladder

1. Josie Bones - 93
2. The Fox Hotel - 86
3. The Builder's Arms - 83
4. 1000 £ Bend - 80
5. The Rainbow Hotel - 78
   Prudence - 78
6. Gasometer - 76
7. The Napier Hotel - 75
8. The Evelyn Hotel - 74
9. Naked for Satan - 70
   The Union Club - 70
10. The Kingston Hotel - 69
11. Caz Reitop's Dirty Secrets - 67
12. The Worker's Club - 61
13. The Gem - 57
14. Zink Bar & Restaurant - 31
    

The Worker's Club 04/05/11

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, Ivanka, Rose.

Price: Bullshit. Very expensive. Around $9 for a pint of Carlton. Bottled beer way overpriced.
Location: 51 Brunswick St, on the corner of Gertrude St
Distance: 20 min walk, 5 min tram.
Obscurity: None what-so-ever. "Sticks out like dog's balls" MLG.
Ambience: Good lighting, Cool Wed crowd, quirky music.
Character: Really like the wood panelling, floorboards and use of tiling. Quite high in character. Sparse foliage seems out of place but kinda cool. The room completely covered in carpet is cool.
Decor: Window pane desings are really nice. Weird paintings add a bit of eccentricity. Intimate candles on tables are cute.
Comfort: Toilet wafts extremely unpleasing (although Ivanka loves it). The multi-functional/rearrangeable cube seats are highly practical and quite good.
Beer Garden: Basic but good. Cool vibe out there.
Amenities: Unisex toilets weird for Rose. MLG likes them. Toilet seat completely fell off, no toilet paper, but otherwise clean enough.
Patron Attitude: Good Wednesday vibe. People are friendly and chilled out.
Patron Hotness: Casual, standard Fitzroy/Collingwood indie alternative.
Service: Shit balls. Must have been one of his first night's but one dude couldn't even pour a beer. Severely shit. Other bar guy was quite capable, but the first guy should definitely find a new job.
Staff Hotness: I.B. thinks one guy looks like 'The Mummy'. Shit guy is a bit cute according to Rose.
Beer Selection: Fucking arsey. The only 'boutique' beers were all out. Very basic other selection. Kinda nice bottled selection but absurdly pricey.
Weekly Specials: Cheap Mondays ($2 pots). Good band room. Menu looks alright.
Field Notes: After hyping ourselves up (and getting dressed up!) to have a 'classy' affair at Josie Bones, we we're left bitterly disappointed with having to go elsewhere. May have negatively influenced our judgement.
Ivanka gave a heartwarming speech and was inducted as Junior Vice-President.
Memorable Quotes: "I hate that blokes hair" MLG
"I just want to roll around in it" I.B.
"It's about as offensive as a nipple" B.H. (what does that even mean?!?!)
"It's about time he crawled out of his parent's bedroom" MLG
"I'm more into the guys than the girls," I.B. "And that's saying something" CLG
"I said thank you, and the guy didn't even look...What a cunt" MLG.

Arbitrary Score: 61
Divided opinion for pretty much the first time in B.E.E.R.S. history. Hard to tell how much the 'Collar Beers' failure tainted the assessment of The Worker's Club, may have to be revisited.
Had quite a few good points, but let down heavily by its negative features like price and selection.

The Kingston Hotel 27/04/11

Attendees: Michael, Ned
Price: $4.40 pot, $8.40 pint - about $1 overpriced
Location: 55 Highett St Richmond
Distance: From Wellington Manor about 1/2 hours walk or 10mins by public transport (very close to West Richmond train station). Walking distance for the Vice Pres & other Richmond/Abbotsford people.
Obscurity: Hidden in the back blocks of Richmond - unheard of.
Ambience: Fantastic food ($12 steak night with good proportions - usually $20. Pretty nice feeling - very open. Sectioned off to allow intimacy with friends or a date. Great beer garden.
Character: Unassuming. Very old building front completely modernised. Slightly homely
Decor: All the character is in the beer garden. Inside consists of a mixture of "RSL without the pokies" and "modern cliche". No chill out area.
Comfort: Stock standard. Not impressive. Temperature level quite warm inside without any fire places. Outside has potential to be cosy but they've decided to be tightarses with the gas bottles.
Variety: Great tap selection. Extensive menu
Patron Hotness: Typical private school look (ie pearl earrings and necklace combo). Ned rates it. Patrons have money to spend on themselves. May need a Swiss Bank account to pick up
Staff Hotness: Above average however dopey
Amenities: Would take a shit here. Clean.
Field Notes: Ned is considering having his birthday drinks here. The outside area makes the whole place but if they continue to be tight with the outside heating the can 'go fuck themselves'.
Memorable Quotes: "This place would heave on the weekend" - Ned
"Where's the toilet?"-Ned "Up the stairs on the right"-Michael "What, next to the make out couch?" "Yes!"
"Best $12 steak ever!" - Michael
"Worthy of a weekly adventure for the steak" - Ned
Arbitrary Score: 69

A big thanks to B.E.E.R.S Vice President Michael for chairing the outing in the absence of Presidents Cam & Ben!

The Napier Hotel 13/04/2011

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, Ivanka, Richo and distinguished interstate guests James and Kat. (George left early).
Price: Excellent. $7 for a pint of Carlton.
Location: 210 Napier St Fitzroy, tucked away from Brunswick, Smith and Johnson St.
Distance: 15 min walk/ 1 hour flight.
Obscurity: Have to be in the know, but still quite an iconic pub.
Ambience: Homely feel, bit cramped, 'toight'. Lighting is spot on. You can see what's on your fork but dim enough to create a nice 'ombionse'. Good food pub, not so much as a watering hole.
Character: Steeped in history, old but maintained well, its in great shape. Iconic Fitzroyalty. Great fire places-add to homely feel.
Decor: Literally looks like it has been accumulated over the last 100 years-well it probably has! Heaps of decorations crammed on every wall, but it all ties in and works.
Comfort: It's cosy, but not ergonomic. Temperature control is quite nice (e.g. roaring fires make it a great winter pub). But it is very cluttered, tables crammed in everywhere.
Vairety: Quite a good selection of various Australian beers, both well known and the slightly more obscure.
Patron Hotness: Slightly more Fitzroy than Collingwood.
Patron Attitude: Low interactivity between groups. Bit more of an occasion to come here, people normally come in their own groups, no chance to mingle.
Specials: Portion sizes are massive. Good value for money. Nice food.
Outdoor Area: Wasn't well ventilated. Smoke everywhere, even though there was only 2 or 3 smokers. Heaters are good. The beer garden seems to bit of an afterthought. Moveable chairs are a must, the bolted down tables and chairs suck.
Service: Food service was crap. Food came out at very different times. Personality wise hit and miss.
Staff Hotness: Not hot at all.
Amenities: George felt scared. Thought she was going to fall through a hole in the floor. Scummy toilets are in a direct juxtaposition to the nice interior.
Field Notes: For a place that has 'Bogan Burger' on the menu, they don't even have BBQ sauce. Just the shit American cousin HP Brown sauce. Kat was not happy.
It is a very satisfying pub. Could never be disappointed after a meal there. Easy going and low key dining.
Kat liked the absence of T.V.s something you would never get in a pub in Sydney. Makes it a lot more intimate and pleasant.
Memorable Quotes: "Bit more South Yarra than South Morang" B.H.
"The decor is off its tits" M.L-G.
"It's not a memorable quotes kinda place" B.H.
Arbitrary Score: 75 Good for about a once-a-month dining experience.

Builders Arms 06/04/11

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Ivanka, Michael, Shaun, Ned, Richo, Jos
Price: $9.20 coopers pint - on the pricey side
Location: 211 Gertrude St, stumbling distance of maccas!
Distance: 5min tram ride, 15min walk
Obscurity: Deceptively large, easily overlooked
Ambience: Top notch, friendly feel, different areas keep it interesting
Character: Got lots going, Awesome 'igloo' section. Top marks!
Decor: A bit bare inside in some areas, some stand out pieces (like the gorilla poster!). Good lighting. Warm feeling, it all works. (bit disjointed - BH)
Comfort: Booths win. Dark corners for dark deeds - MLG. And light areas too. Variety of comfort levels for different tastes.
Patron Attitude: Extremely friendly. Easygoing and welcoming.
Patron Hotness: Seems like it could be good. A few potentials.
Service: Quite good, staff are friendly. Good at table clearing.
Staff Hotness: Positive! On the mark.
Selection: Above average but nothing too special - tried em all before.
Beer garden: Cool foliage in beer garden and seating on-street as well. And a bandroom/dining room. Kicking goals!
Specials: Off the chart - practically every day. 1/2 price bar food Mon, other specials tues, wed & sun and $10 jugs until 6pm every day.
Amenities: Quality, well kept & clean. Maybe a little too many urinal cakes, a bit of nostril sting going on.
Field notes: Love the gorilla/phoenix room. So awesome to kick back and put your feet up! Has good pillow fighting pillows. Its a big pub but would never feel empty - good use of segmented spaces, open but with different sections. Want to come back every day for the specials! Vanks digs the coasters.
Memorable quotes: "I feel glorious!" - Norwegian shallow diver
"Actually yes that girl is not that fucking ugly" - M.LG.
"I had a good exchange in the toilets" - B.H.
"Let's shuffle right along now" - Shaun
"Every girl is going to look good after 4 or 5 beers out here" - Ned
"It's everything Bimbo's should be" - B.H.
Arbitrary Score=83
A great pub well worth a revisit on a weekday or the weekend!

Gasometer 30/03/11

Wednesday 30/03/11

Venue: Gasometer
Attendees: Ben, Cam, George, Ivanka, Harris, Tommy

Price: $9.50 for pint of boutique beers. Expensive!
Location: 484 Smith St, Corner of Alexandra Ave. Very main roads
Distance: <5 mins walk
Obscurity: None
Ambience: Lighting too dim gives it a dingy feel. Good alternative tunes. Overall subdued vibe, could do with being a bit more lively.
Character: Amazing. Band room is one of the best in Melbourne. Unique quality without being too overbearing. Train theme is really cool.
Decor: Hanging baskets are tacky. Luggage rack above booths is amazing. English pub feeling with a twist. Nailed the train station look.
Comfort: lots of intimate hideyholes, breaks up the space and allows for group or one on one interaction. Option of booths is really cool. Comfort of ordering at bar is super low.
Patron Attitude: Cool indie kids, but not the cunts that go to Click Click.
Patron Hotness: Hot Collingwood indie crowd (“bitches” B.H.)
Beer garden: Open air bandroom with smoking on balcony= awesome. But no outdoor chill area.
Selection: Great obscure selection, but still has Boag’s for a cheapy.
Specials: Wicked bandroom, food menu looks awesome and kitchen is open till 11pm.
Service: Issue of bar circulation. Generally good staff that know their shit, but when busy could lead to long wait times.
Staff Hotness: Older, hipster typical hospos.
Amenities: Awesome, trendy, clean.

Field Notes: Great potential. Looks like a good place to party. Love to come back on a Fri or Sat. Non-pretentious good time feel for a good night out. Speed cameras intermittently flashing through window adds to the ambience. Could lead to an awesome drinking game called, “Flash shot of the shot flash” I.B.

Memorable Quotes: “The fucking cloak rack!” B.H.
“Even the chips sound fucking awesome!” B.H.
“I hooked up with a short wog” B.H.

Arbitrary Score=76
Best potential of the lot so far. Must come back on the weekend.

The Categories

B.E.E.R.S is much more than just drinking, its an exploration into the unknown. These weekly outings are kept track of with a carefully constructed system of categories, each with their own subtleties and variations.

-Price ($ for a pint?)
-Location (literally, which area is it located in)
-Distance (from Wellington Manor)
-Obscurity (from completely obvious to walking through a sewer to get there)
-Ambience/Vibe (the atmosphere created by the venue and those interacting within it)
-Character (the architectural qualities of the venue)
-Decor (the interior design and decoration)
-Comfort (seating and other options)
-Beer Garden/Outdoor setting
-Amenities (the porcelain chamber)
-Patron Attitude (uptight? relaxed? friendly? cunty? etc)
-Patron Hotness
-Service
-Staff Hotness
-Beer Selection/Variety
-Weekly specials, bandroom, events
-Field Notes
-Memorable Quotes
-Arbitrary Score (0-100)

Naked For Satan 23/03/11

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Fae, Ivanka, Richo, Jos, (Tim & Claude)
Price: Charging pint prices for schooners. Poor form.
Location: 285 Brunswick St, Fitzroy
Distance: 10min walk - a decent stroll away.
Obscurity: None. Right in the heart of one of the most popular nightlife strips.
Ambiance: Atmoshphere "in a can". Trying way to hard and annoying lounge house music doesn't fit.
Character: Manufactured. Bimbos copy.
Decor: Quite good individually - great pieces such as a wall of back lit glass bottles. But together it seems a little cluttered and tryhard.
Comfort: Good provision of different spaces - small dark corners for a date or large round tables and counters for groups. Lots of options.
Patron hotness: Hit and miss. "I'm really rating the black chicks though" BH
Patron attitude: Subdued but easygoing & welcoming on a Wednesday.
Service: Amazing. Table service = win. Chatty bar staff as well.
Staff hotness: Dudes doing alright. Girls not.
Amenities: 5 star. An event in itself. Worthy of an award
Specials: Pintxos (Spanish snacks) - take from underneath the bar and pay at the end based on how many toothpicks you have (honesty system). So as cheap as you want ($2 each normally). 50c each on Monday. Bimbos style infused vodkas.
Outdoor area: No

Arbitrary Score: 70
Trying too hard to be a lighter, trendier version of Bimbos & Lucky Coq. Amazing amenities. A good option amongst some much scummier Brunswick St alternatives. Potential for a pretty wanky weekend crowd (hard to avoid on B'wick St these days!)

The Gem 16/03/11

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, George, Ned
Price: Average.
Location: 289 Wellington St Collingwood - a locals pub.
Distance: 3 roper (directly across the street)
Obscurity: Easily found but not in a popular area
Ambience: A bit cunty. Encourages disconnection between groups. Quality live music is a plus.
Character: Unique character but not exactly good. Mismatched shit feels somehow like a crappy ski lodge. A bit creepy?
Patron attitude: Reserved, non-welcoming.
Patron hotness: On par with the decor.
Specials: Very good, live music and cheap meals. Wednesday is roo night - cheap kangaroo steak.
Outdoor area: One of the best outdoor seating. Quiet enough not to be shouting.
Service: Unfriendly, rushed and disheveled. Lost souls and ex-junkie types.
Staff hotness: No. See above
Amenities: Clean but a bit run down
Comfort: Reasonable, but seating is "not conductive to positive public space" BH
Memorable quotes: "mumble mumble mumble Charlton Heston!" MLG

Arbitrary Score: 57
Holding on for dear life to its redeeming qualities (music & menu) to save it from utter mediocrity. It has a heart of stone to the outsider but a passionate and dedicated regular following. Worth a look for those searching for an oddball surrogate family just around the corner.

The Fox 02/03/11

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, George
Price: $8.50 boutique beer - decent
Location: 351 Wellington St Collingwood. Not a popular area but, well known amongst locals.
Distance: Boom! Right up the street. 2 min walk
Obscurity: Not obscure but a local crowd. Doesn't attract people from other areas.
Ambiance: Super busy but still maintains easiness and relaxed feeling. Keeps the fuckwits away. Good tunes. Lights were dimmed at 9.45pm
Character: Traditional but fresh and well-presented. Not local dingy. Trendy, pinball & pool table.
Comfort: Climate control could be better. Caters for all needs in seating.
Decor: Awesome display of vintage beer bottles & old advertising. Distinctly local.
Patron attitude: Older crowd. Nice & friendly, respectful and 'mutual amicability'. No cunts allowed.
Patron hotness: Scruffy, older crowd. Very casual loungeroom attire.
Beer garden: Small rooftop area great for a summer evening (didn't see on the night due to rain)
Selection: Amazing - fantastic True South Cider was a winner. Rotating monthly tap - special.
Specials: Live music, food specials, great meals.
Service: Flustered tonight due to it being quite busy. Long wait for food. But otherwise very friendly & helpful.
Staff hotness: No
Amenities: Average/basic
Field notes: No eftpos minimum is handy. Not a party pub, but great for group outings. Best cider ever!
Michael presented his Vice President speech and was warmly welcomed into his new official position in B.E.E.R.S

Arbitrary score: 86
A new local favourite right on our doorstep.

The Rainbow Hotel 23/02/11

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Nick, Richo, Jos
Price: Quite reasonable for boutique beers.
Location: 27 St David St, Fitzroy - off Brunswick St
Distance: 10-15min walk
Ambience: Very quiet, lacking vibe due to lack of patrons midweek
Character: Loving the deck. Outdoor pool table - good use of space. Simple, basic but effective.
Patron attitude, patron hottness: N/A (cold night!)
Beer garden: Awesome, top marks. Everything you would want. "Sociable" placement of TV - you could watch if wanted but discourages large crowding around.
Decor: Too clean cut - gentrified.
Selection: Top notch, local boutique beers on tap with a great selection of bottled.
Obscurity: Local hero. Bit of an aussie battler.
Specials: Famous for its music.
Service: Good, firendly - knew stuff about beer.
Staff hotness: Cute, but not great.
Amenities: Cool toilets. Exposed bluestone. Good artwork in shitter.
Comfort: So many options. All comfort. Good backrests in outdoor timber booths - cushions get bonus points. Nice purple velour.
Notes: Some new B.E.E.R.S additions - "Cheers B.E.E.R.S!" introduction to proceedings. New comfort category - thanks to Nick for the innovation.
Memorable quotes: "If you don't think you were a fuckwit when you were 18, you still are"

Arbitrary score: 78
A legendary live music venue that has been revamped and cleaned up into a very respectable pub. Lost some of the grime but more than makes up for it with its classy new feel