Mrs. Parma's 29/06/11

"Parma B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Dom, Jess, George, Chops and interstate guest Alanna.

Price: Expensive. From $8.40 for Carlton Draught pint up to $7.50 for a pot of a boutique Victorian IPA.

Distance: 15 min tram ride.

Location: Top, north-east end of the city at 25 Little Bourke St. Near Parliament Station.

Obscurity: Somewhat semi-obscure. Kind of, but not really.

Ambiance: Very tie-loosener. Corporate, post work crowd. Tense vibe. Staf

f were on edge and that carried on through the crowd.

Character: Very R.S.L. Belongs in N.S.W. Looks like it's a sports bar that belongs in Crown Casino or a Hard Rock Cafe.

Decor: Too many different, clashing shades of timber. Corporate office modular ceiling tiles and glaring downlights make you feel like you are still at work. Michael hates the sunken stained glass skylight.

Comfort: Oscillating temperatures, makes it hard to ma

intain a comfortable body temp. Constantly taking jackets on and off.

Selection: Great selection. The saving grace of the establishment. Great focus on Victorian craft beers. Have rotating monthly specials on tap.

Patrons: Corporate crowd here for a mad after dinner rush, then all left around 9pm, until we were the only ones left in the place. Made it quite awkward and we felt like the staff were pressuring us to leave.

Staff: Mostly edgy and snappy, but some were helpful and nice.

Outdoor: Has large windows that are opened in the summer to create a street dining experience. N/A in winter.

Amenities: Toilet has character. Motivational quotes written on the wall to get you through your toilet difficulties.

Specials: Specialises in gourmet parmas and Victorian boutique craft beers. Has secret happy hours for members.

Field Notes: Not the best parmas in town, and quite pricey. Paying for the toppings rather than the quality of the chicken schnitzel. Very stingy on the sides, only get one communal bowl of chips and another of salad for the table which were the quantity normally served for one or two people. Definitely not getting your money's worth.
The quality of the beer selection justifies having drinking area rather than purely focusing on dining.

Memorable Quotes: "I'm going to queef my hair." CLG

"He's going to be a barista barrister...don't worry I'm leaving soon." B.H.

"She must be smoking a crack pipe in the toilet." B.H.

Arbitrary Score: 60
Great concept, but failed to deliver the quality experience. Would definitely work if in a better thought out venue with a wider variety of clientele.

Little Creatures 22/06/11

"Lonely B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Ben and Ivanka

Price: Meals $16-30 (pricey but not overpriced), $9.50 pints

Location: 222 Brunswick St Fitzroy

Distance: 13 min walk

Obscurity: None, a shining beacon of beery goodness. A local institution.

Ambiance: A big beer hall with lots of quieter, intimate spaces rather than one large area. Non-intimidating and quite relaxed.

Character: Homely/Industrial. Great job retaining original character of the space.

Decor: Loungeroom meets warehouse with a touch of wanky rustic. Lots of charm with lots of timber, bookshelves, fireplace and beer-bottle chandeliers (chandebeers).

Comfort: Lots of seating options for anything from one person to large groups. Plan ahead on the weekend unless you like waiting for a table though!

Selection: Very limited but great quality - don't bother if you're not a beer drinker

Patrons: Slightly older and subdued but always a refreshingly diverse crowd that fills the place up.

Staff: Attentive but not annoying. Despite being really busy, service was great. Some definite talent as well.

Beer garden: n/a

Amenities: Clean and spacious, everything you need.

Specials: n/a

Field notes: Bikes available for use. Some tasty jazzy disco beats playing at a great sound/light ratio. Little Creatures angel's foot looks like a penis when laser etched on wood. No really.

Memorable quotes: "I think the idea is to crack them open and spread 'em" - BH "It's my life philosophy!" - IB

"Sticky fingers?" - BH (after eating donuts) "We've all been there!" - IB

"These donuts just absorbed all my bodily fluids" - BH

Arbitrary Score: 81

More dining hall than beer hall with a strong food focus. Great design and service make for an easygoing and enjoyable experience. Book in advance on the weekend - it's in high demand despite it's easygoing appearance.

The Rose 15/06/11

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Richo, Mike, Rose.

Price: $8.40 James Squire Amber Ale pint, &7.80 Carlton pint. Good price, quite cheap.

Distance: 5 min walk

Location: 406 Napier St, corner with Rose St. Backstreets of Fitzroy, between Brunswick and Smith streets.

Obscurity: Not on any main street so quite unknown unless you're a local.

Ambiance: Ultimate local pub. Easy going. Definitely has a bit of a "yeah mate" blokey vibe. Approach-ably manly!

Character: Verging on a classy vintage pub feel without actually getting there. Traditional "Old Fitzroy" pub, none of this new commercialised Fitzroyalty. True grit.

Decor: Has an amazing rotating vintage beer sign clock. There is a blend between classic beer paraphernalia and old school sport memorabilia.

Comfort: Nice and warm, but the air isn't stale. Perfect winter pub temperature. Pretty comfy seating, and is quite nice to sit at the bar.l

Selection: Basic. Have quite a few options for beers on tap, but no obscure surprises.

Patrons: Manly, but not macho. Doesn't have a pokie/TAB crowd but very sport focused yet still welcoming.

Staff: Switched on, know their shit, yet very friendly. Local feel, as in the bar staff joke around and give you shit (or rather give Cam shit).

Outdoor Area: Limited street seating but nothing special.

Amenities: Urinals are too close together for comfort.

Specials: Wide range of food and multiple T.Vs to satisfy your sporting pub needs.

Field Notes: Rose enjoys her namesake, Richo enjoys his immortalisation on the wall. Bricks and carpet have a nanna-ish aura.
Everyone enjoyed the fact that the bar staff gave Cam some fashion tips.

Memorable Quotes: "Your headband is really shit" MLG, "Yeah, it really is" Barchick
"You don't want to be rubbing hips while taking a piss" MLG

Arbitrary Score: 68
Not trying to be anything special. A solid, warm pub that you could spend the day watching the footy in.

99 Problems 08/06/11

"Cold B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael

Price: The highs & the lows - $9 Tiger pint, $3 Tecate can

Location: 31 Johnston St between Smith and Wellington

Distance: 5 min walk

Obscurity: Very obscure. Quite dark and easy to walk past even with a large front window. Lucky we had a good tip off to find it!

Ambience: very keeeewl. A close, intimate atmosphere. Great light-to-sound ratio. Having a table filled with beer cans also has a certain "je ne sais quoi" to it. Adds to the hip underground vibe.

Character: Full of characters! The small room has a unique and personable character and creates social interactions. However the good use of space means it doesn't feel too cramped.

Decor: The nordic glacial mountain feature wall is a winner, straight out of a 70s National Geographic. Bare light globes have some extremely funky filaments. Besides, lamp shades are so 2010..

Comfort: A little close but this is all part of the charm. After a few beers you'll appreciate the forced intimacy between different groups.

Selection: Tiger on tap doesn't really fit the feel. Only 2 options on tap but a decent selection of bottles. Go the Tecate if you don't want to stick out. Also a good selection of wine and spirits.

Patrons: Very kewl but in a more subdued, Collingwood way. Some serious talent as well, in amongst some impressively ironic facial growth.
Staff: Enthusiastic and friendly, they look like they want to be there. Love her tattoos.

Outdoor: A covered laneway area with a forklift pallet doing duties as landscape decoration. A little too cold out tonight but a good simple area to hang out.

Amenities: Unisex toilets are a point of divided opinion amongst the B.E.E.R.S executives. Artwork in the toilets runs with the mountain scene. Good conversation starter for those waiting in line moments.

Specials: $3 Tecate cans!

Field notes: Guy on toilet door looks like Gollum according to Michael. Hipster tolerant people can expect a great time. Some chilled hip hop playing is a nice touch.

Memorable quotes: "An elephant's head? Just get some fucking tea lights!" BH (talking about the Carlton Club)

"I don't know if I was in there or not" BH

Arbitrary score: 80

After breaking through the indie-wanker crust you can have a great time. Very good local spot with a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere.

Terminus Hotel 01/06/11

"Gastro B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Ben, Cam, Michael, Dom, Paige, Jaffa, Jazza, Ned, Myles, Laura.
Notable Absences: Ivanka and George (again)

Price: Meals $20-40, roughly $10 pints - above average but not overpriced
Location: 392 Queen's Parade, no man's land between Fitzroy and Northcote
Distance: 15-20 walk
Obscurity: Looks like a dive bar from outside, but quite classy inside and very packed. Very unassuming.
Ambiance: Light to sound ratio good. Lot of energy because it is so crowded. There is a level of privacy because it is so busy and noisy, everyone focusing on their own tables.

Character: Basic. Same, same. Quite a forgettable room.

Decor: Kangaroo painting is quite quirky. Fake candle chandelier lights add classiness. High bench tables with stools instead of intimate round dining tables. This leads to a mess hall feeling which adds to the high energy. Stain glass windows are really nice and regal. The decor makes the most of minimal attributes.

Comfort: Very noisy. Good temperature, cosy winter pub feel. Two levels of dining tables makes it a bit awkward, especially if you were sitting at the low table and having everyone around you sitting above.

Selection: Focus on Victorian boutique microbreweries on tap and a great selection of bottled craft beers. Gave taste-testers and explanations of the beers.

Patrons: Relaxed middle aged crowd. Lots of large groups. Local people. Zero mingling between groups. Wide ranging and all encompassing, no one would stand out here.

Staff: Friendly, insightful. Warned me before buying a $13 pint that I would not have liked- very helpful! Taste-testers are a big plus.

Beer Garden/Outdoor: On-street seating is quite large, would be nice in summer. Little smokers room out back.

Amenities: Poorly designed, there was a lot of backsplash from the sink. Not great. Reminiscent of its former dive tendencies.

Specials: Known for being a gastro pub. Has great food and a great selection of steaks. Also if you're in the tipping comp and tip 8 you get a free meal of anything you want.

Field Notes: Menu is a bit over-priced, bit more than expected. But food and beer selection very good.
Michael was very edgy and aggressive tonight!

Memorable Quotes: "I swear all stouts smell like soy sauce." B.H.
"If Fitzroy is the left cheek and Northcote the right, this must be the butt hole." B.H.

"I'm toey-er than a Roman sandal." MLG

"You Melbourne Uni kids that don't pull up your pants." MLG

"Michael jsut needs to go out and bottle someone." B.H.

"This used to be the place Jazza and I would buy 6 packs of Woodies when we were 15." MLG

"It's mayo with jizz in it." MLG

Arbitrary Score: 74

Great winter to pub to get a decent feed, but a few areas lowered its overall score.