1000 £ Bend - 25/5/11

"Voyager B.E.E.R.S."

Attendees: Presidential Conference- Ben and Cam.

Price: $8 Grolsch and $6 Caledonian Lager schooners. Quite pricey.
Location: 361 Little Lonsdale St. near Elizabeth St.
Distance: precisely a 12 min ride.
Obscurity: Well known in certain circles. Not obvious, but easy to find if you know where to look.
Ambiance: Relaxed, carefree vibe. Open but intimate and interactive. Easy going. Good for group interactions and to meet others.
Character: high ceiling is good. Basic room done up really well. Run down, industrial, warehouse feel but very "derelicté"
Decor: Funky, true gritty op-shop collection of furniture. Mismatched but really works. Has a student house vibe to it. Random rugs laid over bare concrete floor. Precariously placed fish tanks discourage tomfoolery and create an interesting, unique homely feel.
Comfort: Such a variety of mismatched chairs that I'm sure you'll find one you like.

Selection: Only two beers on tap. Limited but good options. Small selection of good bottled beers.

Patrons: Friendly, cool. Dropping in for a casual drink. No 'scene', everyone is welcome.

Staff: Bored as shit, extremely friendly and nice. Very outgoing, welcoming and chatty. Table service. Even when the place is empty, staff attitude makes it a fun experience. Attentive.

Beer Garden: Small smokers room, no outdoor seating.

Amenities: Cleanest toilet in the most graffitied room you'll ever see. Lends to the "derelicté" vibe.

Specials: Every day specials ranging from pilates and indie-director film screenings to $2.50 pots and $8 burgers on a Tuesday.

Field Notes: Good selection of pop and rock music. The staff gave us free toasted rolls- awesome! Free wi-fi.

Memorable Quotes: "Arts students would marvel at the juxtaposition" B.H.
"It's like its ambidextrous" CLG.
"Cleanest dirtiest toilets ever!" CLG.

Arbitrary Score: 80
Straightforward but dynamic place that is great for anytime of the day, whether for breakfast, lunch, dinner or late-night drinks.

Mountain Goat Beer 18/5/11

"Good Beer Week B.E.E.R.S"

Attendees: Ben, Michael, Shaun, Ned, Nick, Rose, Chris
Price: Abbotsford Collaboration Ale (special Beer Week brew) $9.50 - decent price for a great beer.
Location: 80 North St Richmond, just off Bridge Rd
Distance: Hard to get to BUT.. a free drink if you ride your bike there! 10-15min ride
Obscurity: Incredibly obscure - one very nondescript steel door opens up to reveal a huge warehouse brewery. Very rewarding to find! Great wow factor as you walk in.
Ambience: A great turn up for this weeks special event, a really enthusiastic crowd and a rowdy beer hall atmosphere. Probably usually a bit more quiet.
Character: Raw brick walls and a polished concrete floor make for a very simple and genuine warehouse sense, not to mention the sheer size of the space. The enormous steel brewing kettles are visually fantastic and remind you you're on sacred beer-conceiving grounds.
Decor: Solid, simple and beautiful. Generous timber dining tables, large hanging lights and big candles add to an understated but classy finish. Does the basics but does them well!
Comfort: Great seating options, the spaciousness really complements the large tables, bar stools and couches and there's no shortage of options. Generous with the heaters!
Patron hotness: Older crowd, very blokey beer aficionados. Sharply dressed though, no need to slack off.
Patron attitude: Very friendly and chatty. There's a happy feeling in the room.
Service: Quite slow due to the large crowd this week. However when asked the staff are more than happy to let you have a taster and give you a run-down of the selection on offer. Quick at collecting all the empties.
Staff hotness: Some definite talent in the mix. MLG is sure he's being noticed. Tidy uniforms add to the professionalism.
Amenities: The men's hand dryer is freezing cold! But good cleanliness.
Specials: $14 pizza, $7 mussels. Brewery tours on regular Wednesday nights. A 'Good Beer Week' participant.
Outdoor Area: N/A
Field Notes: Super bike friendly! Have to ride next time for that free beer.. Apparently staff bonuses are based on how often they ride to work.
Foosball tables if you're into it.
Seeing the beer actually being brewed adds to the uniqueness of the experience. The bar closes at 10pm but this could possibly be a good thing on a Wednesday...
Memorable quotes: "Its the beer wanker's guide to the galaxy" MLG
"The last thing you want to do is jump the gun" BH
"I'm going to punish the porcelain" Ned

Arbitrary score: 86
A great venue for any beer lover, come see where it all happens. Large but warm and comforting, grab a stool and enjoy a night basking in the glory of the kettles with the rest of the well informed crowd.

Josie Bones 11/05/11

Attendees: Cam, Michael, Shaun, Jaffa, Paige, Richo, Jos, (Tess - left early), Ben, Ivanka, George
Price: Come here for the opulence. Average price around $10-15 for a bottle. Or try the $250 330ml experience.
Location: 98 Smith St near Gertrude St
Distance: 10min walk
Obscurity: Well known, but nothing else like it.
Ambiance: Sophisticated but welcoming, not pretentious. Lighting is really warm, bright but creates a nice balance of shadows and privacy. Very intimate. Some eclectic tunes in the background contribute to the quirkiness and add a personal touch.
Character: Urban rustic. Great use of simple, raw materials in an elegant finish. Bare brick wall, hardwood timber benches. The feature wall... features.
Decor: Functional & minimal but still very tasteful and elegant.
Comfort: Very welcoming. No options for standing but take a stool at the bar or a seat at one of the tables or large table down the back and don't get up again!
Beer garden: N/A
Amenities: Not quite accessible and not the cleanest. Below average.
Patron attitude: Respectful beer connoisseurs. A mutual atmosphere of excitement and enjoyment. A shared pilgrimage to the Holy Beer.
Patron hotness: Doesn't even factor in. But the beer bottles are gorgeous.
Service: Friendly and empowering. Passionate about their job and very attentive and happy to share their knowledge. All hands on deck.
Staff hotness: Very tidy and professional, but it's still all about those beer bottles.
Selection: The holy grail. The menu is a beer bible (about 20 pages thick) and the beer sommeliers will help you to fulfill your heart's desire.
Specials: Events, specials beers and in depth explanations and food matching.
Memorable quotes: "It's moist and clammy...my duck" CLG
"Egos make my labia shrivel up" JW.

Arbitrary score: 93
"May the pork be with you". It's an experience in itself but still very welcoming and not at all pretentious or high-brow. Our favourite ever spot for a night of beer purity and gourmet delight mixed with excellent service and an attractive fit out. Be prepared to spend a little more than the local pub but get a whole lot more in return. Highly recommended.

B.E.E.R.S. Map of Melbourne

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The Arbitrary Ladder

1. Josie Bones - 93
2. The Fox Hotel - 86
3. The Builder's Arms - 83
4. 1000 £ Bend - 80
5. The Rainbow Hotel - 78
   Prudence - 78
6. Gasometer - 76
7. The Napier Hotel - 75
8. The Evelyn Hotel - 74
9. Naked for Satan - 70
   The Union Club - 70
10. The Kingston Hotel - 69
11. Caz Reitop's Dirty Secrets - 67
12. The Worker's Club - 61
13. The Gem - 57
14. Zink Bar & Restaurant - 31
    

The Worker's Club 04/05/11

Attendees: Cam, Ben, Michael, Ivanka, Rose.

Price: Bullshit. Very expensive. Around $9 for a pint of Carlton. Bottled beer way overpriced.
Location: 51 Brunswick St, on the corner of Gertrude St
Distance: 20 min walk, 5 min tram.
Obscurity: None what-so-ever. "Sticks out like dog's balls" MLG.
Ambience: Good lighting, Cool Wed crowd, quirky music.
Character: Really like the wood panelling, floorboards and use of tiling. Quite high in character. Sparse foliage seems out of place but kinda cool. The room completely covered in carpet is cool.
Decor: Window pane desings are really nice. Weird paintings add a bit of eccentricity. Intimate candles on tables are cute.
Comfort: Toilet wafts extremely unpleasing (although Ivanka loves it). The multi-functional/rearrangeable cube seats are highly practical and quite good.
Beer Garden: Basic but good. Cool vibe out there.
Amenities: Unisex toilets weird for Rose. MLG likes them. Toilet seat completely fell off, no toilet paper, but otherwise clean enough.
Patron Attitude: Good Wednesday vibe. People are friendly and chilled out.
Patron Hotness: Casual, standard Fitzroy/Collingwood indie alternative.
Service: Shit balls. Must have been one of his first night's but one dude couldn't even pour a beer. Severely shit. Other bar guy was quite capable, but the first guy should definitely find a new job.
Staff Hotness: I.B. thinks one guy looks like 'The Mummy'. Shit guy is a bit cute according to Rose.
Beer Selection: Fucking arsey. The only 'boutique' beers were all out. Very basic other selection. Kinda nice bottled selection but absurdly pricey.
Weekly Specials: Cheap Mondays ($2 pots). Good band room. Menu looks alright.
Field Notes: After hyping ourselves up (and getting dressed up!) to have a 'classy' affair at Josie Bones, we we're left bitterly disappointed with having to go elsewhere. May have negatively influenced our judgement.
Ivanka gave a heartwarming speech and was inducted as Junior Vice-President.
Memorable Quotes: "I hate that blokes hair" MLG
"I just want to roll around in it" I.B.
"It's about as offensive as a nipple" B.H. (what does that even mean?!?!)
"It's about time he crawled out of his parent's bedroom" MLG
"I'm more into the guys than the girls," I.B. "And that's saying something" CLG
"I said thank you, and the guy didn't even look...What a cunt" MLG.

Arbitrary Score: 61
Divided opinion for pretty much the first time in B.E.E.R.S. history. Hard to tell how much the 'Collar Beers' failure tainted the assessment of The Worker's Club, may have to be revisited.
Had quite a few good points, but let down heavily by its negative features like price and selection.