Beat Geeks @ Monarch (Berlin) 02/10/2012

"Hiphop B.E.E.R.S!"

Attendees: Ben and Cam
Price: €3 500ml tap beer. Free entry
Location: Skalitzer Str 134 near Kotbusser Tor, Kreuzberg
Distance: 4 min walk
Ambience: Super relaxed and cruisey Tuesday night crowd, even though it is jam packed. Popular local hangout that is not known by tourists. Hiphop/beatfreak culture of music appreciating Berliners and expats.
Character: Wall length windows overlooking busy intersection and train line. Bar is situated in the second floor of a derelict building above a kebab shop. Unassumingly gritty, but not grungy.
Decor: Sparse apart from a few choice lamps and chandeliers. The disco ball above the dance floor takes pride as the centrepiece of decorations. Near the entrance is a 'gaming area' with "knockers" (fusball) and a pinball machine.
Comfort: The whole venue is lined with couches, stools and tables providing a lot of comfortable seating options providing you can commandeer one. Great use of limited space—there are a lot of seats compared to the size of the venue, yet still leaves ample area for the d-floor. Stools at bar are a great vantage point for scoping out the room and DJs.
Patrons: Motley crew of hiphop nerds, beat geeks and uncool, cool people. People do not care what they're dressed like, nor about anyone else, just there to listen to good music and have a good time. Wearing a cap, flat cap, or hoodie will make you feel at home amongst peers.
Staff: The coolest people in here. Tattoos, big guns, big boobs.
Selection: Standard beer and liquor selection, but having a tap beer is a massive positive. Bottled beers are classily served in fancy glasses.
Outdoor Area: N/A
Specials: Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month Beat Evolution presents Beat Geeks, a Hiphop Producer night hosted by Suff Daddy and LeBob. Different types of gigs on most nights, catering to all music tastes.
L.S.R: Disco ball, soft lighting and banging beats make a fantastic combination.
'A Tribe Called Quest' eloquently summarises, "I like my beats hard like two-day-old shit."
Amenities: Compact, with no wriggle room to speak of, but relatively high cleanliness considering the number of users.
Top Suggestion: Suggest it to your mates! Nothing we can think of to improve this place.
Field Notes: No bullshit, have a good time on your own terms. Even though you can see the bar pumping away on the second floor, the entrance is very obscure, our first time here we had to stake out the entrance and wait to follow people in. Once you're in there, you feel part of a fun, music-loving culture that congregates fortnightly to enjoy banging tunes.
Memorable Quotes: "Did you know bar hubbub sounds the same in every language?" BH
"Except in Asia, it's about an octave higher." CLG
"Black is a shit biro colour, end of discussion." BH

Arbitrary Score: 91
Special mention has to be made to the fact that Monarch pumped us enough to get into the Berghain for a truly unforgettable night/morning.

Barbie Deinhoff's (Berlin) 01/10/12

"Terrorist Barbie B.E.E.R.S!"

Attendees: Cam & Ben
Price: €2.80 500ml Berliner, €1 for the DJ
Location: Schlesische Str 16, Kreuzberg
Distance: 22min stroll (including now regular ice-cream stop)
Ambience: Tea candles and lamps takes the edge of a somewhat punk inspired atmosphere. A satisfying palette of red, pink and orange lighting sets a relaxed tone.
Character: Fairly basic in the architectural sense. A large pink neon sign out front lets you know where to go.
Decor: A contrast between colourful charm (Barbie) and punky artwork (Deinhoff). A feature wall is adorned cardboard placards printed with song lyrics beginning with "Don't". The door is draped with a curtain giving a certain mystique upon entering. Interesting tables collaged with some intriguingly explicit cutouts.
Comfort: Stools at the bar create a familiar patron / staff interaction. Plenty of couches, chairs & tables to pick from and a quieter, darker back room for more privacy.
Patrons: An all embracing mix, think straight friendly gay bar rather than vice versa. Black clothing is a must, piercings recommended.
Staff: See above.
Selection: Good range of cocktails and liquor with a standard bottled beer selection. No tap beer.
Outdoor: On street seating
Specials: 2 for 1 drinks Tuesday nights. DJ most nights.
LSR: A subdued mix to accomodate a relaxing midweek drink. Most likely picks up on the weekend. The garage / punk tunes help set this bar apart from the typical house & techno heard most places.
Amenities: Broken urinals, generally run down & grotty.
Top suggestion: Push the theme & decor a bit further and make the weirdness stand out more. Top suggestion for patrons: wear black.
Field notes: The name "Barbie Deinhoff's" is apparantly a combination of the owner's fascination with Barbie dolls and the Baader-Meinhof militant faction group. If it's what you're into, enjoy a respite from the more typical Berlin scene. However if you're a tourist you might feel a little out of place with the locals here. Don't let the bartender's permanent "pissed off" face throw you off.

Arbitrary Score: 66
While something of an institution in the local gay & alternative scene, this cruisy little bar gets by more on the reputation of it's patrons than by it's own unique qualities. Worth checking out but not if you're pressed for time in Berlin.